Side Order of Love

I don’t remember the last time I fell in love. It was such a long time ago that every day that I think about finding love feels as if it’ll never come. ‘Be patient, it’ll come in the most unexpected time, in the most unlikely place.’ My friend always told me this and somehow, while it’s comforting to know, I’m finding it harder and harder to believe.

I miss it. I miss the feeling of being in love. I miss the happiness that comes with it. I miss the moments when you wake up knowing that the one you love is beside you. I miss the times when right before you go to bed, his voice is the last thing you hear.

And so, I post this blog to find someone who’ll read it and relate. As I’m sure a lot of single people there will. I envy my friends, who got married, engaged, or just plain in love with their partners. I envy what they have and I remember when I used to have that too.

I recently heard that my last ex has another partner, 2 since the last time we broke up. I don’t really know if he’s just lucky or is it because he’s out there, always on the prowl and I’m not.

Every week, I take time to unwind and spend some quality time to release a stressful week at work. Malate, Metrowalk, Makati, I can be seen anywhere and yet no one really sees me. Time and time again, I’ve asked myself if I’m that difficult to approach, to get to know, to love. I am a complicated person, that I will admit to but I am not difficult to love. I’m just like most people, idealistic and a hopeless-romantic. It’s just that I admit to it.

I can’t wait for love to come. I can’t wait for someone to sweep me off my feet and carry me to a far off land. Ok, well I guess that’s pushing it. Let’s just say I want someone I can connect with. Someone sincere and faithful, whom I know nowadays, is hard to come by, especially in the gay scene. After all, men are naturally born promiscuous.

Last night, I was in a bar, somewhere in Malate and there was this pretty adorable guy dancing in front of me. He was being eyed by another guy from across the dance floor. I noticed him texting and peeked to look. Yes, I was that bored. He was sms-ing his lover. I knew ‘coz I saw the name ‘PAO-HUN.’ After a few more drinks and more eye to eye courtship, the guy from across the dance floor approached and they started making out. I thought to myself, ‘Is there really no more faithful guys around?’ It’s so sad that most people take for granted their relationships. And for what, for a quick lay?

Sometimes I wonder if the complication of being in a relationship is worth the risk. Is being in a relationship better than being single? Or is being single and just fooling around better than risking being hurt because one partner can’t keep their pants on? I guess it all boils down to contentment. But people rarely get satisfied. There’s always something more they want. It’s never enough. Love never is.

If being in a relationship is the main course and love is the side order, let me have some of that.

Check please!